So my life, in a nutshell, is currently taking a nosedive spiral of death. That sounds bad I suppose. Not everything is bad, let me assure you, but I think my perception of a lot of things is skewed. You see, I think I would classify myself as a pessimist. I’m a glass half full, hurry up and run to the sink for a refill, type of girl. At this point in my little self portrait, the sink would run away from me screaming and I would flail behind it. Can you picture it? If I was an artist I would draw a picture, alas, I am not..so use your brains.
It’s been a month since I took over my new position here as the office
bitch…errr manager at the complex I work for. A whole month. While my checkbook is rejoicing greatly at the vast improvement over the cobwebs and tumbleweeds that used to blow around in there, my personal life is in upheaval. I have zero time for ANYTHING. I would love to work out and that just ain’t happening. I would have to get up at 5am, and let’s face it, no. My self image is sufficiently lacking. I am not one of those, get stressed and lose 20 lbs girls. Oh no, I get stressed and I become Chris Farley in this skit:
I am having a horrible time getting back into the swing of this full time job world. We haven’t even had to utilize after school care yet because the husband has been on days and able to pick them up. I shudder to think of the stress I will face in having to be somewhere at a certain time in the evening since I never know what my afternoons are going to bring these days.
Couple this stress over getting into some sort of routine I have had some medical issues. I apparently have a reoccurring respiratory issue called pleurisy…which is all kinds of fun that requires steroids and painkillers. But I’m a much nicer person on painkillers so people didn’t seem to mind. In the span of a week I went from not being on any meds to being on four. I hate taking medicine. Mainly because they all seem to make me feel like crap and I can’t ever remember to take them. Taking medication is something I always forget. I think that may be the reason I have the almost 9 yr old (heh).
I’m sure you can tell from this post that I am frazzled. Tomorrow my mom is leaving for her move to Arizona. Yay! No. While I try not to make a big deal about it, I’m freaking out. FREAKING OUT I SAY! Mostly because the idea of not having anyone to watch my kids is awful. Now I’m going to have a find a sweet teenage babysitter. By the time my kids are done with her she’ll be trying to convince her parents she wants her tubes tied now. And daycare in the summer…that makes my wallet cry buckets of tears. That’s a lot of money I don’t have.
I heard my mom tell some tenant at the complex that I haven’t shown much in the way of emotions and I probably won’t. This is most likely true. However, let me assure you my poor husband gets a boatload of crazy from me daily. Especially as of lately. The other night I flipped out…like that movie Sybil…about something completely dumb. I was in a full out rage. Why? Stress? I’m sure at some point that day someone had set me off and I had bottled that up instead of exploding all over them only to release it all later on the unsuspecting husband.
Patience is not something I have in spades. I’m definitely better then I was 10 years ago. Infinitely so. However, it seems everyone else has gotten worse LOL. Everyone wants something and they want it RIGHT NOW. No waiting. Don’t bother telling them no, it won’t work. Give them what they or they are not happy. This does not bode well for my psyche. I am in need of some high strength nerve pills or someone may enter my office to find me curled in the fetal position under my desk with a river of tears streaming out from under it. The maintenance men will have to coax me out with chocolate. Or my kids will find that I’ve locked myself in the bathroom after their last fight over who get to sit on the left side of the couch. I will sit upon my tiled bathroom floor and rock myself while contemplating how I can pull off a disappearance into the setting sun. How much money does one need to run away to a deserted island? Only enough to get there right because if it’s deserted I won’t need anything when I reach it. Wonder how I could convince David Boreanaz to come with me….
See how my mind works? I can complain and then in the very next thought be thinking about David Boreanaz. It’s a virtual crazy mess in this brain of mine. Perhaps it’s my own version of self soothing. Babies use a pacifier or thumb and I use David LOL. Since I’ve been on the verge of a meltdown for the past month….tears always at the ready…Youtube knew this when I went looking for a video of the movie Falling Down to place in this post about my freaking out. It knew I’m on the edge of a sharp mental drop and it threw in a video of Buffy and Angel for me.
Thank you YouTube, you stopped the crazy train…or at least delayed it a few minutes.