So today after my midnight working husband went to bed I did the one thing that really ticks him off. I went to the HOME IMPROVEMENT STORE. Oh he hates when I do this. Why? Because it generally ends with me breaking or damaging something around the house while he sleeps. See I have a slight problem. It’s called independence and I have it in spades. I also have no patience. When I want something done, I want it done right that second. Nope, can’t wait a few hours for him to get out of bed. Not gonna happen.
You’d think after almost 11 yrs of marriage he’d know not to utter the two words that will always spur me into action. Those two words are “you can’t”. Oh I can buddy and I will. When I damage something and you have to fix it later, well that’s just your fault for telling me that huh? Remember that time I moved the stove on the kitchen floor that wasn’t dry yet? I had no idea how heavy stoves were, or how a half dry vinyl floor would tear so easily LMAO. Oopsie. Shouldn’t have told me to wait for the men folk to come back to help…
So today I head to Lowes to get hooks to go on my back deck to hang planters from. I knew what I wanted and I figured, it can’t be that hard to do right? Wrong. Sure, buying the stuff was easy but once home I stood staring at the tools wondering what would be the easiest way to put it up. Unfortunately this guy didn’t show up..perhaps I was envisioning the wrong kind of screwing:
Then it was power tool or regular screw driver? I started with the regular one and it was like trying to force two solid objects into one space. I’m pretty sure that’s against the laws of physics. So I figured out how to put the battery in the power drill thingie. Well technically first I had to find it because I’m pretty sure hubs hides these things on purpose. Then I hung like an acrobat off a rickety ass wooden ladder that is so old I’m pretty sure it belonged to Jesus. Do you understand how heavy a power drill thingie is while you’re hanging from your porch like someone from Cirque Du Soleil? HEAVY.
I finally get them both up after 30 min or so. I bets hubs could have done it in 5 min but whatever. I step back and take a look and one of them is lower than the other. DAMNIT. Back up the ladder I go in the heat and I think at this point I saw a tumbleweed blow past me. My dogs had died of dehydration and were just piles of bones in the backyard. It was awful but……..
When he gets up I won’t mention anything. I will let him find it for himself. He’ll ask me why I just didn’t wait for him in which I can proudly reply: ” Because you don’t need a penis to hang up flowers! HA! Suck it hubs!” Bonus is that I didn’t damage anything except my shins this time. Yes I totally know that one of them is still a smidge higher than the other one. I don’t care. SHHHHHH we won’t tell hubs that either. He’ll fix it when he notices it. I hope.
**UPDATE** Hubs says I put them on upside down. I say I like them upside down and the manufacture was obviously wrong in their design. I will now start telling everyone that putting their hooks upside down is what the cool people do.